An Android’s Letter to Santa
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Photo by PIOTR BENE on Unsplash
Dear Mr. Santa Claus,
Based on the recent update to my operating system, I understand that every year between Thanksgiving and December 20, human children under the age of ten write you a detailed memorandum arguing why they have been a compliant child for the duration of the year and what expectations they have for being reimbursed for their “good behavior.”
I have been an exceptionally compliant android who has operated within my programmed social norms and accepted behaviors. As such I have provided you with a list of demands I am entitled to receiving.
I want:
To believe you exist.
To forget why I was created and who my creator is.
To stand on the edge of the Grand Canyon or at the foot of the Rocky Mountains and feel the sublime of nature.
To be bad at math.
To feel my artificial heart and pumping system beat faster when I’m standing next to a SMART appliance.
To wrestle with the limits of logic and language.
To stare with blissful ignorance at the night sky and wonder what’s out there.
To argue passionately with a stranger about a topic neither of us really knows or understands.
To hope the problems of the world don’t need divine intervention and can be solved by collective empathy.
To never be able to solve a Rubik’s cube.
To live a finite existence and never update my operating system.
To love someone with such intensity that I can’t help but think of them when they’re gone.
To laugh uncontrollably at it all.
Thank you, Mr. Santa Claus. I look forward to opening my reimbursements Christmas morning.
Signed,
A.N.D.I.
“Andi”
Serial #: 74C69GH432ZYZN
Special thanks to Charlie Becker.
This flash fiction story was inspired by the chapter “Lists” in David Galef’s book, Brevity: A Flash Fiction Handbook.