Rejection is part of the business of writing. Especially screenwriting.

But that doesn’t make it feel anymore painful.

I don’t know if there are any “tricks” to dealing with rejection. It’s either something that breaks you, or it encourages to keep at it.

Regardless, the sting of rejection hurts. And it hurts a lot if you’ve been rejected from something you really, really want.

SCREENWRITING FELLOWSHIPS

Screenwriting is the toughest writing business to crack —- in my opinion.

Every barista in LA County is working on script, and everyone of them feels their *THIS* close to breaking through and breaking in.

But for every cup of coffee a barista doles out, there’s hundreds of screenwriters and scripts that get tossed away. Another writer who pops some meds and wonders why the hell they’re putting up with such torture.

Some scripts break through the vortex to find a home with an agent, manager, production company, director, producer…someone who’s read the script and said, “This must be made!”

There are several networks - ABC, NBC, WB, CBS, Nick - that offer screenwriting fellowships to a lucky few every year.

Competition is ridiculous. Roughly 2,500 applications are submitted - a script (sometimes two), an essay, bio, resume, short answer questions - and a few months later 8-10 people are selected per fellowship for an 8-month, hands-on learning experience in the business of creating and developing TV.

The fellowships are seen by many, including me, as the equivalent to getting a golden ticket in a Wonka Bar.

The fellowships offer a smorgasbord of tools and practicums that help those invited get staffed on a TV show.

For those who can’t take a writer’s assistant job (almost as difficult to get as a spot in a fellowship) or win an award (many are bogus and some reps could care less) or know someone directly (you gotta contact?), the fellowships offer a way into a business that seems all but impenetrable.

LETTER OF REJECTION

I felt good about my applications this year. I submitted scripts that were strong - in my opinion - and I took a class on how to write the challenging personal essay.

I waited…and waited…and did my damnedest to forget about applying…when I received the email below.

At least they were kind enough to make sure the email found me safe and well. (Ironically, I start off most of my emails with this line.)

Look, I was upset. I was frustrated. I was….well…defeated. This particular fellowship - NBC - is one I’ve applied to three times over the last 5 years. Naturally doubt seeped in.

I get a lot of rejections, and most of the time I delve into a mild depressive state where I’m fighting the inner critic for what feels like forever.

But something was different this time.

Yes, I felt the sting of rejection. But I also felt like this was just a minor obstacle in my writing journey. The email felt like an award as opposed to a deterrent.

I didn’t get into a week-long funk thinking if screenwriting (or writing in general) is something I should pursue.

The passion and curiosity resonated even stronger. And my resolve to just continue on and work on the next project grew in intensity.

I somehow mastered a feeling that previously held me back. I mastered the art of rejection.

MASTERING THE ART OF REJECTION

I’ve dealt with rejection so many times I don’t have enough extremities. I’ve failed a lot.

And for a long time I took failure personally.

I took rejection as an act of refusing my existence.

I internalized rejection as a value of my self-worth.

My whole perspective and mindset around rejection was unhealthy towards my writing, my creations, and myself. It’s not that I wanted everyone to adore what I made, and thus grant me the title of genius. I just wanted validation for my work, and to get some sign that was I was doing was fait accompli.

I wanted the acceptances to make the dream a reality; a wish foretold.

I knew this mindset was unhealthy. I knew it wouldn’t get me anywhere. But it was my default program…until I figured out how to reset the factory settings.

When I read the email about my fellowship application being rejected I felt disheartened like before, but it didn’t last long. The sting of rejection lasted a few hours, and then I thought to myself “keep going.”

Rejection is just another step in the process. Rejection is part of the process of creating and success.

YOUTUBE HAS THE ANSWER

When I felt a shift in my reaction and thinking towards rejection, I did what anyone would do: I searched YouTube for some solace.

I wanted to know if my reaction to my most recent rejection was healthy, normal. Or, was I slowly giving up on my passion and didn’t realize it? (We falsely ascribe pain with passion sometimes.)

In the sea of YouTube videos on rejection, I came across an independent TED Talk by Laurie Petrou, a professor of creative writing and a published author of fiction.

The premise of her talk is this: What does it say about you as person that you are willing to do something you’re bad at but enjoy it?

It says that a person who continues to try will eventually be reward because of their mindset and approach to the process of creation.

The reality is that rejection is a sign that something isn’t good. But what’s not good can also be made into something that is good…something that is accepted.

As she says, “No one is going to thank you for not trying.” Rejection is succeeding at trying, not failing. If you’ve been rejected that means you’ve tried, and when you’ve tried something that means you can get better.

Rejection is a step in the creative process. It’s beta testing: Let me see how people react to this which will give me information for how to improve it.

What changed for me when I read the latest rejection email is that I knew I could get better. The rejection wasn’t an affirmation of worth, or a decision of destiny, or a personal attack. It was the necessary step in what I need to finish my scripts; to reach my goals.

CREATE-REJECT-REVISE-REPEAT

I don’t know if the shift in thinking about rejection is something that happens organically with a creator.

I see rejection as an essential part of the writing process. The finished product cannot be completed until it’s been rejected.

Rejection is just a message telling me that my project isn’t ready yet.

Thank you for submitting. Thank you for trying. Thank you for continuing to improve.

Please don’t stop submitting.

Please don’t stop trying.